Well done! You have decided that you would like to join the growing ranks of car owners who know what it feels like having their vehicles stolen. It’s no wonder, because Colorado has been leading in this respect among all U.S. states in 2022 when it had about 785 cases of theft per 100,000 people. The data shows us that 1/10 American citizens’ vehicle are stolen.
However, before you can enjoy the experience of calling your insurance company and filing a claim, make sure your car gets stolen first. Here is how you can make your car look attractive enough for someone to permanently want to borrow it from you. Just remember that there are certain important questions that the best car insurance companies will ask after submitting a claim.
Step 1 – Keep Your Car Unlocked
Why lock the car? Who does this anymore? Also, unlocked cars are handy for burglars who don’t have much time on their hands as they do not have to break any windows or jimmy any locks open. They will finally be surprised when they come across its wide-open doors! Now these thieves’ night will become just a little bit easier with your help.
Step 2 – Keep Your Spare Key in the Car
If just leaving your car unlocked wasn’t enough then why don’t we take things up a notch by taking an extra step of leaving our spare set of keys inside too? Why should this thief waste his or her precious minutes on hotwiring this thing when they can simply open the door, start the engine and drive away? Why not stick a sign saying, “Steal Me!” on your windshield? Nothing screams “I don’t give a crap about my car” quite like leaving a key in an unlocked glove compartment or under the front seat. But don’t worry, it will be gone soon enough.
Step 3: Drive in the Darkness
Are you that naïve to think parking your car in a very safe and well-lit area will help it get stolen? Well, if you really want to easily lose your car to thieves, then this method won’t work. Rather, go for the darkest and loneliest places you can find. It’s even better if it’s a neighborhood notorious for its high crime rate. Darkness is always welcomed by thieves, and they prefer areas where no one sees them. So why would we park our cars right outside the house or at any busy store when there are millions of abandoned alleys and bridges throughout the city?
Step 4: Leave Valuables in Plain Sight
Of course, it is tempting to take all your valuable items with you when leaving the vehicle behind, but this would render your mission of having it stolen quite fruitless. That laptop should remain on the front seat; phone charger plugged in while cash wads should be placed on top of the dashboard. Thieves are not clairvoyant; they need some indication from people before they can proceed. You’re practically serving them with an invitation for joyriding after all – don’t forget to leave your engagement ring in the cup holder.
Step 5: Install A Cheap Security System–Better Yet, Don’t Have One at All!
Why bother getting an expensive security system when there are so many other things you could do with that money like buy concert tickets, go on international trips, or get that new seasonal Starbucks drink. Better yet, don’t put a security system in at all. Who needs an alarm system or tracking devices when they’re trying to get their car stolen? If you want to have some fun with it, put a decal on your window saying “Protected by Security System” without actually installing one. This way, the thief gets his laugh before driving away with your car.
Step 6: Ignore Local Crime Statistics
They say, “Park in Safe Neighborhoods,” “Know Your Local Crime Stats,” “Use Caution based on Where You Live,” and so on. But who’s got time for that? Because you don’t care if your car is stolen, right? By not even giving a thought to the fact that your state or city might have more vehicle thefts than average, you can live in ignorance till your car disappears from right under your nose. And obviously when asked by insurance agents why you did not protect yourself at all, just feign total lack of knowledge.
Step 7: Keep Your Registration in the Car
Pro tip: leave your vehicle registration and proof of insurance clearly visible in the glove compartment; it really facilitates things for a thief looking to sell off your car. Think of it as an offering–a way to say thank you for relieving you of your motorized burden. Furthermore, calling up your insurer after realizing that you left everything at home would be sure to impress them with your readiness for anything.
Step 8: Drop The Club
Remember the club? The bulky steering wheel locking device used to deter car thieves? The club is still for sale, and it remains a nuisance. Why bother then? Criminals have better things to do than trying to get rid of it. If you really want your car to be stolen, just skip the club. Or buy one and put it in the trunk for laughs, thus giving the thieves some comedic relief before driving off.
Step 9: Announce Everywhere You’re Going
Are you trying to make your car irresistible to thieves? Then go ahead and tell them on social media what your plans are. Let everyone know that you’ll be out of town for a week and that your vehicle will be sitting at the airport unattended. Alternatively, inform people that you will leave your vehicle in town at work in the train station all day long. Nothing tells everybody including would-be thieves, “take me,” like letting everyone know where they can find you.
Step 10: Don’t Buy Insurance Coverage
Now, here’s the pièce de résistance. If you really want someone else to steal your car, why would you go with comprehensive auto insurance? It simply doesn’t make any sense whatsoever! Although these insurers help compensate after a theft occurs; isn’t there something called hassle free living too? You could deal with any loss by yourself without involving such complicated processes as those conducted by those irritating top rated insurance companies if your vehicle gets stolen, right? After all, what could possibly go wrong here? Oh yeah–no ride home afterwards or anywhere else! Nevertheless, this is a gamble worth taking, isn’t it?
Now let’s assume we take everything mentioned above seriously, and surprise-surprise! Your car was stolen. Now comes the fun part–dealing with insurance companies. In case your car insurance policy is up to date, and you’re smart enough, there is a need for you to make a claim. Only be ready to answer many questions like why didn’t you lock your car? Or why were the keys left inside? Insurers often love this kind of questioning meant to ascertain whether your negligence led to the loss. And if you were, they might not be too keen on paying out your claim. But don’t worry—if you’re lucky, you’ll get a check for the actual cash value of your car (minus your deductible, of course), and you can go buy another car to start the process all over again.
In all seriousness, car theft is no laughing matter. While this article takes a snarky approach to highlight the worst possible decisions you can make as a car owner, the reality is that vehicle theft is a significant problem—especially in states like Colorado, where rates are alarmingly high. If you want to keep your car safe, do the opposite of everything mentioned above. Lock your doors, keep your valuables out of sight, install a security system, and never leave your keys inside the car. And most importantly, make sure you have the best insurance coverage possible. While the best insurance companies can help you recover from a car theft, they’d much prefer that you take precautions to prevent it from happening in the first place.
So, go ahead and protect your car like the valuable asset it is. After all, you don’t want to be just another statistic in the rising tide of car thefts across the country.
